pain and healing

there are angels
who will never fly
because the man
they call father
when he feels
sad or angry
tired or weak
beats the hell
out of them
tells them they
will never belong
anywhere but under
his thumb
his ugly thumb
but if only they knew
this mushroom
this fungus of a human
was a very poor imposter
of their father
and that with the love
of their true father
even this fungus
and all the tears
puddled in their soul
could be made



who is God?

Also, my wife Trina and I were talking last night about how our view of God is changing. In the protestant church, we tend to look at religion by formulas of theology and we want to understand everything very logically and systematically, so that nothing is a mystery. But that is not who God is. God is beyond our understanding, He is mysterious and dangerous and frightening - He is good and loving and trustworthy, but He is not safe. And if you expect Him to be safe, you will have a shock as soon as He starts changing your life :) So we are beginning to get to know a bigger, more exciting, more magical, mysterious, powerful, life-changing, beautiful picture of God. And I believe a more true picture of God. It is the God I see when I read the Bible. And it is the God I desire to love and to serve. It is the God I desire to KNOW and not just KNOW ABOUT.

my own life

And something I've been realizing in my own life, is that it is very
important for me to understand my relationship with God, that I
receive my value and purpose from my relationship with Him, and it is
very important for me to pursue that relationship all the time,
because otherwise I start to look for my value and purpose from other
people, and I become jealous of other people, and I start trying to be
better than other people, because if I'm not better than at least
somebody, nobody will love me. And when people say things which I
don't agree with, I get defensive, and when people don't agree with
what I say, I get defensive, because my security becomes rooted in
what they think and not my relationship with God. That is becoming
more and more obvious to me, and I feel such a need right now to
really pursue my relationship with God.

what is church?

Some things we've been thinking about as a church and personally:

We all understand that something isn't right about what the average church in America is doing, so what isn't right and why is it that way", and also we are thinking about things like "according to the Bible, what is the church supposed to be?". In America, the church has traditionally closed itself off from the culture. It stopped understanding the culture, and so it became afraid of it. And rather than attempt to understand it, the church retreats inside itself and stays there, with the doors open, and says "come in here and be like us". And so, what people on the outside tend to see is some kind of club which meets inside a large building, and which forces you to look a certain way, act a certain way, talk about certain things - and that is neither appealing nor relevant to the culture as it is now. And so we looked at the nature of God - and God is a SENDING God. God has the perfect community in the Trinity - perfect relationship, love, trust, companionship. But He goes out from that community to touch people who don't know what that community is like. First of all, he sent Jesus from that community to die for us, to show us the way to regain a relationship with God. As Jesus was leaving earth, He said He was going and that He would send the Holy Spirit to give us the strength to carry on His work. And He said "As the Father sent me, so I send you". He called us a priesthood, and what is the purpose of a priest? To make a connection between God and people. We are to carry on Jesus' mission of going into the world to point the way to God. So, we want to be the kind of church which builds a strong community amongst ourselves, for sure. But we also want to be a church which as individuals goes out from that community into the places where we live and work and live a life which points people to God.