the brothers karamazov

I was just reading this again, and though I don't agree with everything he says here, I think he says some really really good things. check it out.

Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

broken hearts...

why is it that we so often consider a broken heart to be the end of a relationship? I think often times a broken heart is where the relationship really begins in earnest, because at that point you actually have to deal with the reality of life, the reality of your relationship, whether you really want the relationship, whether you are able to love through hurt, and what kind of trust you really have for a person. if you can have your heart broken and forgive and want to deal with the hurt caused in a healthy way, you will have a good start on your way to a strong relationship.



I am thankful that I am able to change my patterns of behavior, and that I am not just stuck repeating all of my past decisions and patterns...

"...believe that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain..."



just because a rule is written down does not mean it is right or good or just.

nor do I think it's a great idea to blindly follow authority just because it is set up as authority by society.



last night we went to the Cinemagic theatre on Hawthorne, and we saw the film "The Science of Sleep", and then afterwards we went and looked in all the windows at Deco to Disco, and then we decided on a whim to go to Pix Patisserie for dessert. The funniest thing happened on the way home... as we were driving along, each car we came to turned into a mass of fireflies and scattered up into the leafless trees. Also, suddenly butterflies appeared that had small glowing spots on their wings and were fluttering around aimlessly in the dark. We came home and went to sleep feeling rather ecstatic about the film and the dessert and the fireflies and butterflies, and then this morning we woke up and we laid on our backs in bed, and closed our eyes and watched the stars together. Life is good...



I was talking with a friend about postmodernism today and a couple of things kind of hit me in terms of how we as postmoderns view the world (to make a generalization that I feel applies to a large number of people).

I think those who grew up with a more modern background, upbringing, etc were more comfortable accepting one ideology that offered all the answers they needed for life. For instance, if you grew up as an american protestant christian, you were ok just existing within the framework of the ideology that was presented to you by american protestant christianity. The same applies to politics and a lot of other things. And that group of people would be uncomfortable with things which came from outside the ideology they were familiar with or identified with.

As postmoderns, I think we feel much more comfortable taking multiple ideologies, finding the pieces which are non-contradictory, and forming them into something new. For instance, to use the same analogy, as an american protestant christian, I think a postmodern would be much more comfortable taking some ideas from buddhism, islam, judaism, american protestant christianty, etc. which are not contradictory to the ideas presented in the Bible and incorporate them into their worldview and into their practice of daily life.

I think the big difference here is that as postmoderns, we don't see there being a single, monolithic right answer that encompasses all areas of life and all situations in the way that the previous few generations have. I think we would tend to view the world more like this - that there are truths which inform our decisions and views on life, but there is not one single right answer for everything.




donald rumsfeld

as a memorial of Rumsfeld announcing his resignation as Defense Secretary, here are some quotes from his time in office:

"I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started."

"We do know of certain knowledge that he [Osama Bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead."

"Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said."

"[Osama bin Laden is] either alive and well or alive and not too well or not alive."

"Once in a while, I'm standing here, doing something. And I think, 'What in the world am I doing here?' It's a big surprise."

"This is fantastic! I've got a laser pointer! Holy mackerel!"

"Five days or five weeks or five months, but it certainly isn't going to last any longer than that."

poppies in october - sylvia plath

Even the sun-clouds this morning cannot manage such skirts.
Nor the woman in the ambulance
Whose red heart blooms through her coat so astoundingly --

A gift, a love gift
Utterly unasked for
By a sky

Palely and flamily
Igniting its carbon monoxides, by eyes
Dulled to a halt under bowlers.

O my God, what am I
That these late mouths should cry open
In a forest of frost, in a dawn of cornflowers.


liner notes from digital ash in a digital urn by bright eyes

They invented LOVE all right
But they still can't make the right
Plastic or metal or whatever to hold it all in
So it just keep leaking (insert water sounds)
All over everything (insert everything)
Dripping and splashing/making music
Gives me an ear infection
Now my equilibrium's fucked
So I'm holding onto the railing all the way down
And I'm asking for your shoulder on the way up
If you help me when I'm frightened I'll help you when you're drunk
Promise you know nothing and you're someone I can trust
Neverminding hot DEATH on our heels
But never forgetting it either.

time is all around - regina spektor

leaves become most beautiful
when they're about to die
when they're about to fall from trees
when they're about to dry up


black rook in rainy weather - sylvia plath

On the stiff twig up there
Hunches a wet black rook
Arranging and rearranging its feathers in the rain.
I do not expect a miracle
Or an accident

To set the sight on fire
In my eye, nor seek
Any more in the desultory weather some design,
But let spotted leaves fall as they fall,
Without ceremony, or portent.

Although, I admit, I desire,
Occasionally, some backtalk
From the mute sky, I can't honestly complain:
A certain minor light may still
Lean incandescent

Out of kitchen table or chair
As if a celestial burning took
Possession of the most obtuse objects now and then --
Thus hallowing an interval
Otherwise inconsequent

By bestowing largesse, honor,
One might say love. At any rate, I now walk
Wary (for it could happen
Even in this dull, ruinous landscape); skeptical,
Yet politic; ignorant

Of whatever angel may choose to flare
Suddenly at my elbow. I only know that a rook
Ordering its black feathers can so shine
As to seize my senses, haul
My eyelids up, and grant

A brief respite from fear
Of total neutrality. With luck,
Trekking stubborn through this season
Of fatigue, I shall
Patch together a content

Of sorts. Miracles occur,
If you care to call those spasmodic
Tricks of radiance miracles. The wait's begun again,
The long wait for the angel,
For that rare, random descent.


"The kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. If you really get a kick out of your work, you’ve presumably met requirement (a), but if your work is writing TV deodorant commercials, the chances are you’ve missed requirement (b). On the other hand, if your work is being a doctor in a leper colony, you have probably met requirement (b), but if most of the time you’re bored and depressed by it, the chances are you have not only bypassed (a) but probably aren’t helping your patients much either. Neither the hair shirt nor the soft berth will do. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet."

Frederick Buechner

work - jars of clay

Empty spaces with shadows hit by streetlights
Warnings signs and weight of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out
Every word they speak, every word they speak

this piece of this song in particular makes me think a lot about the process of life and figuring out who you are and how your past has influenced that and just coming to terms with everything that makes you what you are right now at this very moment. The line "now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out every word they speak..." particularly made me think that we all have hurts and twistings and misguidances and all kinds of things in our past that we may not even be aware of, or aware of how they influence us and the actions we take and the decisions we make. we are all sort of haunted by those things, whether consciously or not, and they influence our behavior now... and if we aren't aware of them at all, we will just end up acting out their influence "word for word" so to speak... I mean our behavior will be directly influenced by those things without us even realizing it. but as we go through life, we can start to look for those things... to face what has happened to us in life, and to start to think about what the results of those things might be. we can start to process those things, to work through them, to feel the effects if we have always just pushed them aside, and to let them work their way through us, so that we can move past them and continue living on the other side of them. we can become aware of our demons so that we can have an active part in not acting out every word they speak.

I'm not really sure if that's what this song is about - but that's what it made me think of :)