2007-12-05

a bit of a rant...

Ok, I know this is like my fourth post of the day, but I was just sitting here thinking about this, and I had to get it out somehow, and since there's nobody here to talk to about it, you all get to hear about it. Yay!

So, my bit of a rant is regarding people talking about other people behind their backs. This seems to be happening to us (Trina and I) from several directions at the moment, and to be honest, it gets really frustrating and annoying. What they are saying doesn't bother me, because I know what it is and I honestly don't feel that it's anything we need to feel sorry about or ashamed for or whatever. But the fact is that it affects people who are in relationship with us as well, and it's so frustrating to see those relationships altered and made harder because of the behind the back thing. Plus it makes life just feel like Junior High all over again, where a friend of a friend comes to you and says that a friend of a friend of a friend is saying nasty things about you, and you get all upset so you go and tell your friends, and then they pass it on that the other person is stupid, and on and on. Why is it so hard, if you have a problem with someone, to tell them about it, and why you feel that way, rather than just tell other people they are bad? That doesn't help anyone. If you come to me and say "Dave, I see you doing this, and I don't agree with it because ________" - I'll be happy to think about it and if it's something I feel I need to change, I will really work on it, and if not, I will try to explain to you why I don't feel it's a problem. But if you just tell other people I'm bad, how am I ever supposed to do anything about it?

Ok, that's all. Maybe I'll be less bloggy tomorrow :)

3 comments:

  1. I've been on the receiving and unfortunately the "sending" side of this even recently. It's easy to complain and it's much more fun to complain about other people than yourself. It makes it a lot easier when they're not around too!

    When things are tough, we can internalize our problems (and lash out in anger or in other negative ways when the "cork pops"). Or, we can externalize our problems and most of us do this by not whining about our own lives (it makes us look bad) but whining about other people's lives and how they negatively effect your life and make it difficult, etc. Or, the third option is to get rid of our anxiety and worry and replace it with perspective. Things are not as bad as we often think and considering that we deserve nothing in this world and as Christians have been given so much, we should get over the little stuff and focus on bigger issues.

    Anyway, that externalization (option 2) is what causes ME to be a pain and talk about people behind their back. You mention that it would be better if people could take to you face-to-face about things. The thing is, when I talk about someone behind their back, I'm attempting to make myself feel better and to have a "target". If the person I'm whining about actually changes or in some way addresses whatever is I'm whining about it wouldn't be enjoyable anymore.

    A person can't paint themselves as a martyr if people start agreeing with them. :-)

    Anyway, thanks for the post -- I know I need to put more effort into not being this way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WOW! This is all so heavy. I tend to have no friends lately. I just keep to myself.. have a few friends here and there... I grew up in a very very harsh world. Very hoitey toitey awful.. And backstabbing and such was wayyy too much to handle.. So now I hide in the woods.

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this Dave. Youa re Trina both. I hope it clears up soon.... Vexations to the spirit are not good feelings! Hugs to you both, V

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh...I was just thinking about this subject not too long ago...as someone outside my family told my mother something I supposedly said. I don't remember saying something that awful about her, and I can't imagine that if I actually DID...why would someone tell her, other than to stir up something? My mother and I resolved it though.

    I know that sometimes I have a hard time with "confrontation" and talking to someone if I have problem with them...but, I do realize that if I am ever to have any kind of resolution with someone else (and me) I have to try to talk to them...no matter how scared I am to do it...and don't people always find out when you talk about them behind their backs?

    I hope that you guys glide through this easily, and without too many hurt feelings...

    ReplyDelete