2008-06-13

this weekend

Well, this is going to be an interesting weekend, for sure. Saturday we are celebrating Trina's birthday, with dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, Chez Machin and then dessert at our place afterwards. Then on Sunday, we are going to a memorial service for my grandpa, who just died yesterday.

It's brought up a lot of interesting thoughts for me this morning... birth and death, both viewed from the beginning of the middle part of life (it was Trina's 30th birthday this last Monday).

Death is an interesting topic for me. It's not really depressing to me, though it seems to be for a lot of people. I find that life has a lot of cycles of beginnings and endings - we start relationships, and at some point in time they change and we move on in life and from each other (not always completely, but things change significantly). We go through periods of life in which we want and need certain things, and when we move to the next period of life, we want and need different things, and that's ok. We change with time and with different experience and so do other people, and so we naturally change associations and circles of friends and all that, and we move in and out of jobs, homes, etc. We become close to and familiar with things and people and then move away again as life dictates, and that's good and natural.

I hope that during my lifetime two things will happen. I hope that I will live a life in which I feel fulfilled, joyful and useful - a life that will make a positive difference in the people and places I end up. I also hope that I will get used to cycles of beginnings and endings sufficiently enough that when it's my turn to let go of life, I won't feel the need to cling to it unnecessarily, that I won't be afraid of letting it go when it's time.

So far, things are going well. I love life, I love living, and I love where I'm at in life, for the large majority. I have the opportunity to do things I love, I have some deep relationships that are really refreshing and encouraging to me, and I believe they are for the other people involved as well. I'm very much in the process of learning how my thoughts and actions affect things and people around me, but I am learning. I've given enough to people and things that have come into my life that it has been difficult and painful to have to say goodbye to them, to let them go, to see them move on or move on from them, and I feel much more at peace about this kind of thing than I have previously in life. I'm excited for the future, I'm excited to see what life will bring along, and I'm excited to do all of it alongside the most beautiful, amazing, kind, caring, deep, giving person...

So, this weekend we celebrate, remember, and look to the future with expectancy, a somber respect for the past, and an excitement for what's coming.

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