2013-05-20

We Are What We Are.

There is no one 'type' that is attractive to everyone. No particular breast size, bust-waist-hip combination, length of penis, amount of or lack of body hair in any particular region, skin tone, or muscle tone will make you the winning combination for all people who you might be attracted to.

I know it's tempting to try to find a formula you can simply slide into (or work very hard at fitting into), that will guarantee that you will be attractive to all the right people on the other side, but it just simply doesn't work that way.

Attraction is as diverse as humanity itself. Our society doesn't paint it that way, giving us a formulaic model for beauty; but the fact is that attraction is much broader than the simplistic view we see most often in public.

Even within a single person's mind, attraction is not so singular. When was the last time you talked to someone who only found white brunette women between 5'10" and 6'1", size 14 waist, and bra size 28 C attractive (for example)? Attraction is not either/or, in the sense that if a person finds a particular type of person attractive, that doesn't mean they find every other type of person unattractive. A person may find both thinner, well-toned bodies and chubbier, curvier bodies attractive at the same time (for example).

Just as with body type and styling, there is no one set of personality traits, behaviors, etc that make you attractive to all the world. There is no assuming that if you like video games and wear sneakers, that guys will think you're cool. There is no assuming that if you wear heels and miniskirts, guys will think you're hot. There is no assuming that if you are sensitive and somewhat feminine, that women will relate to you. There is no assuming that if you are muscular and macho, that women will find you sexy. As with body type and styling, a single person may find various personality types and behaviors attractive - both quiet, shy people and outgoing, bubbly people (for example).

Think of this like you would think of appreciation for any other type of beauty. Think of it as you would think of art, or music, or writing. People have widely differing views on what is beautiful, what they personally find appealing, what they relate to, and how those things affect them. Very few people have such singular taste as to only listen to one singer, or to only like the particular style of painting of one painter. We, as humans, appreciate the diversity of humanity, the diversity of beauty, the diversity of each others' points of view and outlooks on life.

So here's the point of all of this. Don't live your life trying to fit into a particular pattern of what is 'attractive', because there is no one pattern for what is 'attractive'.

You are attractive.

It all goes back to how we define our identity - is it from outside in, or from inside out? Do you find outside criteria, and then try to squeeze who you actually are into those boxes, or do you find who you are, and then open up and let it out?

I suggest that it may be more beneficial for everyone if you spend your life trying to honestly figure out who you are, and develop that as fully as you can, so that when you meet the people who honestly find that type of person attractive, they will be honestly attracted to who you honestly are. You get to feel fulfilled, not at odds with yourself, and you get the joy of being acknowledged by others. Other people get the joy of having their honest affection for you returned. You have less control over the process, but the end result is infinitely better.